cormac Impressive. The POV most definitely works, and works well. I like the voice and the style, which is terse and perfectly suited to the overall feel. It's great to see someone with the courage to do something they themselves admit is unusual and difficult. Writing and pacing is the essence of every novel, and this piece has admirable qualities in both. We aren't told too much, and, I admit we aren't shown enough either, but I really have the feeling that the remedy for this awaits us all. I am not entirely certain that the idea is for the reader to imagine that they are the person to whom this is happening. If such you desire, so be it; however, it seems a trifle self-absorbed to imagine that this is the only possibility. Perhaps this leads to the assumption that this was a style akin to the choose your own adventure books; though how someone could make such an assumption at the expense of all others is mystifying. Please, please keep it up. I want to read this novel ASAP.

ffiore Great piece of writing. Well woven plot elments that tickle your curiosity of what comes next. This piece is an very good example of how to fit one's work into a 4000 word excerpt. It CAN be done! The only quibble I have is the POV. In my humble opinion, I would like to see a real character developed here. My guess is that the author might have some trouble with motivations later on in the story as the plot developes if there is no detailed main character whom we know and can test his behavioral believability. Good work and good luck!

skymmie2000 What fun!!! Really wicked fun!!! I enjoyed myself immensely, once I got into the rythym of the second person POV. I did find myself actually experiencing it as if it were happening to me. I can see, though, that this kind of fun, probably isn't for everybody, but I really had a good time! I especially liked the descriptions of the mansion, and the entire fantasy of inheriting all that wealth and opulence. This was really well done. I enjoyed the twist at the end too. It made it all the more wicked. Kind of like, OK there's just one small thing....I've seen you pick your nose, make love, be humiliated and use the washroom practically for your whole life.....but other than THAT.... What fun!!