LeeHerald Your story starts out with mystery and intrigue, and propels the reader on. It is also well written. You have either written from personal experience, or you have done extensive research. I suspect it is from personal experience, having read BLUE SWAN. You double-check the addressee, but it's you and only you. Smile and think, this is an elaborate prank, and try to guess who among your friends has engineered it. Realize it's not April Fool's yet. Then you wonder whether this isn't the most elaborate junk mailing you've ever received. Look for a sweepstakes offer, the come-on, the fine print. - - This gave me a chuckle. Your description of the Manor House is fabulous, and so is the estate. You've barely slept a wink, either. All you did last night was pace and buzz, buzz, buzz, sometimes replaying that tape, trying to sort this out. - - This is good, and very believable. To tell the truth, it's an indescribable thrill. - - What an understatement. With this much narration, I'm usually told, in no uncertain terms, "Show, don't tell!" However, I like your story just fine. Whatever works, works. Your story held my attention all the way, and toward the end, it picked up a lot of suspense. One nit. After learning that his uncle in England is for real, in my opinion it isn't realistic to believe that he would entertain thoughts of not going. Maybe you could put a "qualifier" in here to indicate that he's only thinking everything through, but that he's damn sure going. I wasn't familiar with "second person," but it seemed to work very well.

RossBuckner I enjoyed this and feel cheated it had to end. The line about a conundrum was pleasing. The research is evident in the descriptions and believable names used in describing the uncle's home. I would have loved to have been teased with snippets of the 'secrets' the uncle had uncovered, and I'm anticipating the technology alluded to will come into play later. Perhaps some insight into the main character. Assuming this was the beginnng, it may have helped to know more about him and his personal circumstances. Is he desperate or short-sighted, and struggling with simply taking the money and running, especially after learning the uncle has died. Is money not of great importance? It wasn't clear to me. Those are nit-picks, for I found it very enjoyable, and I, too, felt the POV refreshing and smooth.

GregoryLions Thoroughly engaging! This piece pulled me in from the very beginning. I was somewhat hesitant because of the 2nd person point-of-view novelty, but became very comfortable with it as the work progressed. I even had some tinges of regret that this letter hadn't really been sent to me! I was immediately drawn in to the intrigue of the whole story. The Cinderealla like transformoation suddenly bestowed on me. You raised questions that appealed to my curiosity and made me want to read more, much more about Sir Arthur's intentions. The indecision letter really cinched it as well. I am totally hooked! I can't wait to be on board that BOAC Concorde and flying across the big pond. And there were so many effective devices; the Internet research, the calling the chauffer service, the piped in PA while I was on hold. All in all, I would definitely want to read this book; it is filled with mystery and promise.

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