deejay The overall quality here is extremely nice and you have a marvelous writing style. I like the concept as it is rather unique. The pacing is fine - never too fast or too slow. Your characters are well developed. The opening sentence is a little awkward and could probably be reworded slightly to flow more smoothly. Interestingly, you do not develop any setting here, but it works. It didn't seem to matter where "I" was, only that "I" was about to become fabulously wealthy - if I chose to claim my inheritance that is. I have read several critiques on this site where people stress the need for more dialogue - I have since decided not to read other critiques but I can almost "hear" someone saying - "more dialogue, please." Don't listen - I love the narrative and I definitely want to find out what happens to "me!"

gbpool This is such fun. You know something is going to go wrong but you don't know what. The POV might be a little hard to get into, but it gets easier as you go. The POV is the only part of the style that causes any problem. It's like reading a letter in the mirror. Once you get the knack, it reads easily. The plot is good but from the author's intro, you don't know if this is a set-up, a joke or a prelude to a murder. With the Monty Python reference it could be anything so you keep reading. Only a few characters so far. If "I" am the main character, I have to keep asking myself, am I sure I am doing the right thing? But the author keeps pulling me in. The self-dialogue still might be easier in First Person, but the intriguing mystery (even if it's been done before) is still fun and that makes this a clever piece. PS: I am starting to read more on your reality site. Wanted to do this review before I got too far into the full story.

dsrussell Have I told you how talented I think you are? You are a man who takes big risks, and damn if I'm not becoming a believer that it will pay off. I'm almost curious now, to see if you have ever written anything in standard 3rd person. How you are able to pull these unusual POVs off, remains a mystery. But pull it off, I think you do! This very much has the look and feel of an interactive game/novel. I'm not much of a game player, but have played MYST and RIVEN (unsolved) and one other whose name escapes me at the moment. What also amazes me is your uncanny ability for name selection and locale. This, I am sure, is due to your extensive travels. More amazing still, is to not only get me interested in something I would otherwise just glance at, but to captivate me as well. How you will be able to sustain this, is beyond me, but I have all the confidence that you will (and have). As I began reading, I questioned whether to stop and just beg your forgiveness for not critiquing it. I really felt out of my league of expertise here. By the start of Chapter 2, I couldn't stop reading if I wanted to. Your pacing lulls the reader in out of curiosity only, and before I knew it, you slammed the hook home. Excellent job, Chris. The main character is the reader (any and all readers). A writer takes a huge chance trying to second-guess any reader, but you try to second-guess human nature, and I think you may have done it. Yes, I asked almost the same questions. No, I wouldn't have opened the sealed letter at first ... but yes, I would have after the call to Manor House. And you know what? I would have opened it with the same care! Unbelievable! Something even more wondrous, is the fact that in very few words, I have a feeling for certain characters, as mysterious as they are, and hungry to learn more. The dialogue throughout is handled deftly. So was the inner monologue. I also liked the fact that your humor (which you know I like) shows through. Setting? Nothing conventional here. The setting is, in the strictest sense, Hanover Manor. But in reality, the setting is Arthur Hanover and his relationship to the reader/player. The questions we will ask are; Who is he? Uncle? Father? Something else entirely? And of course, what dangers will this trip unwittingly behold? In order for any of this to work, it must reach into the unknown human capacity for solving one's curiosity. We all know from those games that have been successful, this is doable and big time. The question remains, is MANOR HOUSE? From what I have just read, I'd say that the answer is yes. I do not know what is in store, but I'd love to find out. I'd also love to see how this could come together as a novel/game. On-going conversations or meetings need to be held to work this out, Chris. This is pretty new territory. But there IS an audience, and maybe a big one. It goes without saying that I wish you the best of luck with this.